12852 Letters written to God
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Lost my dad in the war (mia) and mom remarried. The man she married raped my 8 year old sister. All mom could do was cried. We started seeing less and less of mom and him, but when we did, he would grap and fondle my sister every chance he had. My grandmom would take care of us and she knew what was happening. soon mom started having children by her new husband and we became less and less important in their lives. I was the oldest, year and half older then my abused sister. We had a younger sister. I left home at 17 and joined the air force. My sister got pregnant and ended up marrying a guy who was not the father. They are still married and I love my brother in law alot for turning out to be a man. My younger sister also married young and only lately have gotten divorced. I don't visit my mom and her husband. But when I am around you can feel the tension in the air. He knows taht I know and I know that he knows that I know. I haven't killed the sob because I have strong feelings for the childern he begot. even now Lord, my mom and her husband still do less for us than for their own children. For example, a while back one of their sons, who was their favorite (my half brother) got killed in a vehicle accident, and even thou my mom never said it in front of us (me and my sisters) she wished that I had been the one in the accident. I could go on and on Lord and tell of the sad lives we have had and the secret that has been kept under cover for so long. At times Lord I want to turn him in, but my sister, who is a so called born again" Christian, whatever that is, (I'm catholic and when we are baptized, we are born again) will not let me. She claims to have forgiven him. Me, I have hatred in my soul and heart for both of them. And even thou I tried to forgive them, I seem to always drift back to what was done and catch myself hating and not forgeting. Lord, I know you are justice, peace, love and many other good things. How can I find justice, peace and love again. I too am married, but have been seperated for over twenty years. Do not know if we will ever be re-united. and even thou I have an mba, I find myself many times looking for employement and many times not finding any. Lord, do I and my sisters matter to you? How can I know if you really hear your creation? your adopted son thru Christ"
Letter 270
Thank you for giving me a good xmas. Over a seven day span with 4 women in a small two bedroom apartment, there were only two small arguments. My mother was blessed because all of her daughters were home for xmas. Thank you for blessing me with the ability to give something small, but enjoyable to my sisters. Something that I have not been able to do for a few years, and was afraid that this year would be the same, since I am unemployed. God, please hear my prayers and answer my prayers regarding my getting another surgery residency position. I enjoy operating, and when I do it, I feel you with me, moving my hands and eyes. God, please answer my prayers. All I want to do is operate, so that I can help your children and help my mother. Thank you
Letter 269
All powerful, gracious lady, thank you for helping me through the night at work. I really was so scared. It is so dangerous there;but you protected me as I asked you to when I lit my candles and prayed before work. Please. For tonight can you help me hide my fear? I don't think it does any good to let it show. All is well, is peace, is love when I remember you are with me always.
Letter 268
Dear holy ones; mother mary, Jesus and all the bright angels I feel and see around me, thank you for this sweet morning, for the contrast of the cold gush of rain followed by the eruption of white-gold winter light. People laughed as my little dog strutted by in her yellow, hooded raincoat. They'll laugh about it with their families at dinner tonight. It's good to have a least one thing to laugh about every day, especially when it can be shared with others. I'll tell steve about it and he'll smile. please help me to have smiles and laughter at work tonight. It heals the anxiety. It heals almost everything. Please let me experience kindness tonight, both within myself and in the world. Please let that white-gold ember of winter light stay alive within my heart. Love, me
Letter 267
I look at my life and I see your handiwork. Which is why I don't understand why you took mike away from me but I believe there is hope. Because why else didn't you give me a chance to fight for him, for us, right? Perhaps, in there, lies my hope. Maybe you want me to become closer to you just like before right? Lord, pls forgive me for all my signs. Have mercy on me. This Christmas, I pray for a miracle -- May the love that brought mike and I together grow to perfection through Jesus Christ. I know mike is your blessing and I screwed up. I ask for your mercy and forgiveness, Lord. Pls forgive me. Pls fulfill my Christmas wish, Lord. Pls. That is all I ask for this Christmas
Letter 266
I don't know why all of the'se things are happening. I know that I am not perfect, but I always try to do my best, and I know that I deserve more than what is happening right now. God please help b, he has hurt me beyond belief but I know that he hurts too. Please help him to be the person that I know he really is inside. Please find a way to get us through this and to continue being a part of each others life in some way. I have so many questions and no answers. I hurt so badly and don't know how to get through this or make anything better. I need you more than ever and I hope that if you are really out there you will hear me and help me through this time. I need help, please help me, please show me a way to help myself. Please bring me some peace.
Letter 265
Please let me make it to work tonight. I can't afford to miss another shift. Please raise my spirits. I feel so grey-blue now. I'm worried about steve. Help me stop being so self-centered. My head keeps hurting on and off, although now I do know more about what to do about it. I know i'll be all right with you and the bright angels watching over me. Even when I feel like this, I can look forward to feeling better in a little while. I'm already feeling better just being able to express myself. Thank you. Please guard and protect steve. I'm afraid to call him for fear of learning bad news. He went to court the night before last and then when I called yesterday morning, his father said he hadn't come home yet. He told me he probably decided to stay at his sister's house. I know she lives near the court. I hope that's what happened. I'm only a little bit worried about him being with another woman. H e wouldn't do that anyway. I'm afraid for his safety. I'm afraid he might be in jail. I love you. Please let everything be all right; my headache's, steve, my money situation. I know I'm concerning myself only with my own troubles when others are suffering so much deeper pain than I am. I feel selfish. I really will try to think of others. But please help me.
Letter 263
Please help me today. I feel so sad and burdened by my troubles. Christmas just is so hectic, not a merry time at all. It brings out the worst in some people because of the stress. In the past three days while out on my errands, i've experienced dirty looks from people because I didn't get out of their way fast enough in the aisles of stores, a clerk spoke to me in a very sharp, rude, disrespectful way when I asked her to clarify something and a policeman bellowed at me when I blocked a driveway for thirty seconds in order to drop my boyfriend off. I'd just as soon not celebrate it. Maybe i'd feel better about it if I didn't have migraines every two days and if I hadn't felt obligated to spend money that I don't have. Please help me feel better. I am too focused on myself, I know. Please let tonight at work be easy, easy, easy. Life is so hard.
Letter 262
Dear mother mary, holy father, magnificent ones of heaven, and all bright angels, thank you again for the favor of a peaceful night at work. My co-workers are coming to be good friends. I've been so full of self-pity for having to endure the'se headache's almost daily. But now I'm seeing that almost all of us at work have been having to deal with one form or another of heartache, tragedy, pain. Everyone at work has something. Life simply is not easy. The'se hardships are part of the human condition. I suppose in mustering the courage to face our adversity every day, we May be able to conquer it. Love, me
Letter 261
Dearest mother mary, holy powers in heaven, sweet Jesus. I had such a good time at work with my co-workers last night. Thank you for that and thank you for helping me feel well last night. As you see, this evening I am not feeling quite as well. The headache I woke up with has dulled but I still feel queasy and light-headed and the pain is lingering faintly in my temple. May I please have another pleasant night at work? {Am I pushing it? } I trust you. I know you and a multitude of angels will be protecting me all night long. Please let it be a good night. Thank you. Love, me
Letter 260

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